As any Massachusetts couple's therapist will tell you, it's not their place to advise you whether or not to get divorced; they're there to help you arrive at their patient's own conclusions. Still, they've stood on the platform and watched many a train go off the rails, which means they're adept at spotting it. You won't find many black and white issues in therapeutic settings, but a handful of therapists outlined the themes that most frequently end with a Google search for a Massachusetts divorce attorney.
One Partner Feels Forced into an Impasse
In therapy sessions, "I'm thinking in the back of my mind that may not be workable when there are impasse issues" says a clinical social worker. For example, when one person wants to buy a house, the other wants to rent and neither wants to compromise - that's an impasse. Forcing the other into a situation where negotiation or compromise doesn't work. Another example, would be asking your partner to engage in an open marriage. That's not something where there's a lot of middle ground. But even with an apparent impasse on your hands, sometimes seeking the opinions of other therapists may be more effective.
Sex Has Left the Marriage and No One Wants to Change or Accept It
A couple with a house, kids, and savings accounts still does not have it all if there's no sex in the relationship. The absence of sexy-time has the potential to be a non-starter. You can love the other person but not have desire. And if one person doesn't want to bring back that intimacy, then that spells trouble. Of course, there are ways of dealing with barely smoldering embers. Namely, can you either commit to making the necessary changes or can you accept a marriage that is not going to have sexuality?
There's An Unwillingness to Change
The real problem in your relationship might not be what you think it is. Therapists are looking at how willing people are to take responsibility for their own role in whatever's going on.
When Trust Is Nowhere to Be Found
Once a certain level of trust is gone you don't want to open up and take risks. The gap becomes undeniable and intolerable and people can't tolerate being alone in relationships or feeling abandoned or rejected for very long. There's no basic sense of safety in the relationship.
When Children Are Witnessing the Discord
Adults make their own messes, and they should probably spare kids from bearing witness to them. If your marital discord is open for your children to see then it's definitely time to separate, says marriage and family therapists. The number one factor that affects children and their self-esteem is parental conflict. If you can't get that under control, you're impacting your children.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.