We often talk about what goes into making a Massachusetts marriage work, but we don't focus on what happens when it ends.
Though a high rate of marriages now end in divorce, it's still a pretty taboo subject surrounded in secrecy and falsehoods. Even the often spouted divorce rate in the US (50%) isn't exactly true. It's actually a number that depends on your age, when you got married, how long you dated, and other factors.
Because A Massachusetts divorce is considered a "shameful" thing in some societies or social circles, it can lead many people to fall into a depressive episode.
But if you feel ashamed of your Massachusetts divorce, keep these four things in mind as you move forward and heal:
First of all, divorce is not a failure.
Relationship experts find that people are so afraid of talking about divorce and even more so about getting one themselves because they are afraid that divorce will be a "failure" and that it will make them somehow inferior to their peers.
The reality is that we all have failures in life. Some are in relationships. Some are in jobs. Some are in academics. Some are physical. Some are financial. Some are in health. This is what makes us all different, alike and human. To deny failure, is to deny humanity. When you look at divorce that way, you may not feel so ashamed."
Ending a marriage is a sign that your relationship is over at least romantically. But instead of viewing that as a bad thing, you need to focus on the positive: You made a choice that was likely best for you, your former partner, and anyone else involved in the decision, such as children.
Divorce is a new phase of your life.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that something just isn't working. Some people will always be too stubborn to admit that, but through a divorce, you can actually begin to live a life that is authentically yours.
In removing the shame-based ideology from divorce, couples are able to realize that divorce is not always a negative. In fact, divorce can be a power tool in learning more deeply about the self, the relationship, and what might have gone amiss. As such, learning and growth for both partners becomes the focus. When shame is removed from the equation, a powerful shift in attitude and future behaviors can result."
If you focus on the growth stemming from the end of the relationship and you'll find yourself moving forward in leaps and bounds.
It can show you the toxic people in your life.
If you're around people who are shaming you for your divorce, you need to ask them to support you, be there for you, and stop their negative comments. If they can't, then they're not worthy of your companionship.
You can't help how you feel, but if you are feeling shame, guilt, or ostracization following a divorce, it helps to know that you are not alone. Speak to a counselor or go to a support group for divorce, which can help you take some of the shame out of the equation.
It will teach you to be patient with yourself.
The biggest advice experts and those who have gone through a divorce is to take it one day at a time.
However, when you trust that you are making the best decision based on what you have in this present moment, it is much easier to push through by making the most of each day while getting to the place of coming to terms with that decision.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.