Once the smoke has cleared from your Massachusetts divorce, former spouses have to go about the business of figuring out how to be co-parents. In a perfect world, they'd be able to work together, setting aside their differences and keeping the best interests of the kids first and foremost in their minds. And, in most cases, that's what happens. But, there are instances where a healthy collaboration between exes just isn't possible.
Anger and depression are natural byproducts of divorce. So much of one's hopes and dreams are wrapped up in a Massachusetts marriage, and to have it end is to take away future possibilities. This buildup of anger and depression can create a poisonous stew of anxiety, guilt, and trying to undo what's been done. The endless loop of bargaining leads one down a rabbit hole of regret and blame. Understanding this enables one to have compassion for their ex-spouse.
However, while emotional responses are common and probably expected, in the wake of a Massachusetts divorce, there are times when behaviors become too much to handle. And, when that happens, parents may need to recalibrate their relationship.
The time to disconnect is when the emotions are out of control. When emotions are being used to diminish self-worth, distance needs to be established. There comes a time when one has to say, 'Let's leave each other alone.'
If these behaviors begin to creep into a relationship with an ex, it may be time to establish new boundaries.
When They Constantly Run The Other Parent Down
Regardless of what mistakes may have been made, a co-parenting relationship needs to rely on trust and positive communication. If one parent can't stop trashing the other, then it's time to part ways.
This is highly toxic not only because it puts down the other parent in the child's eyes but because it also makes the child feel as if something is wrong with them as the other parent is a part of the child. Over time, speaking poorly about the other parent will negatively impact not only the co-parenting relationship but also the child's self-esteem.
When They Ignore the Other Parent's Rules
Rules and routines are critical in raising children in any familial situation, divorced or otherwise. But when one consider's the stress and emotional turmoil divorce can bring about in a child, the need for structure is even more vital.
If one parent is lax in enforcing those rules, it will not only cause chaos with the children and conflict within the parents but it will also create a situation where the children will use the parents against each other to get their way which is most times not what is best for them.
When They Constantly Send Sexually Charged Texts
Relationship coaches report seeing a number of people who say that their exes continue to send sexually-charged texts and inappropriate messages, seemingly as a way of wooing them back. Creepy, yes, and don't be fooled by them.
While these text messages may be disturbing to your new partner as well as you, they are nothing more than just a gimmick to make you question your decision about leaving your ex-partner and ruin what you have in your new and awesome relationship,. You will have to build boundaries and tell the ex to only communicate about the kids and emergencies rather than pimp themselves out over text.
When Compromise Can Never, Ever Be Reached
Although rules and establishing some sort of consistency is important, there has to be room for compromise. Schedules change, unexpected circumstances arise and parents have to be willing to go with the flow. If your ex is refusing to be flexible, he or she is doing more harm than good. The only people who truly suffer are the kids. The important thing should be that the kids get to participate or have the experience not who gets what weekend.
When They Are Constantly Rude to the Other in Public
When ex-spouses meet in public, it's essential to be polite especially when there are kids present. If that can happen, they need to be civil at the very least. In the fallout of a messy divorce, some parents can't summon the will to be cordial to their ex, and it only leads to problems.
Not only does this behavior create tension, it causes stress to the children and provides a bad example. No matter what they will be co-parenting children together for the foreseeable future and they should present a united front so the children are reassured that both parents will work together in their best interests especially during a time of transition and uncertainty.
When They Rub Alimony and Child Support in The Other's Face
Coaches note that many of the people they've worked with have received mocking texts or emails from their exes regarding how they are spending the support money they've received. Messages such as, "My new boyfriend says thanks for the vacation that you paid for!" As angering as a note like that can be, coaches suggest letting it go and considering the source. This childish behavior has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the ex and their insecurities, unresolved anger, lack of accountability in their own life, and just being a professional victim. Here coaches advise the couples to be the bigger person and ignore them.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.