1. Accept the part you each played in the failure of the marriage even if the only fault was "picking the wrong partner for your needs".
2. Lower your expectations of each other. After all, if your spouse didn't do certain things WHILE you were married, why expect it now? You will only be disappointed and frustrated.
3. Remember, once upon a time you loved this person. What was it you loved? If there are children involved, let whatever you loved the most be your "mantra" or focus when speaking of your spouse. Make no exceptions to this rule, because children have big ears. As my mother would say, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!
4. Don't let the lawyers create unnecessary hostility. You are the one who controls the process. How you handle your divorce and treat your spouse and children will have long-lasting ramifications. Do you want to sit on the same side of the room when your child gets married?
5. Find happiness, move on and allow your spouse to do the same. As for new spouses, remember children don't suffer from too many people loving them and you would rather have the new spouse/partner in the game than watching from the sidelines. Family is what you make of it. It takes a village, as they say.
6. Remember your priorities. Love your children more than you dislike your spouse and act accordingly.
7. Remember litigation is a luxury, not a necessity. Fighting is expensive. Letters back and forth over what little Johnny had for lunch are a waste of resources. The money you spend could pay for something really important like your children's education.
8. Realize no one knows your children better than you and your spouse. Do you really want a stranger deciding their future and yours? Litigation is really the biggest gamble you will ever take.
9. Choose your battles wisely. There will be disagreements, just as if you were still married. Talk them out and realize communication is still very important even though you are not together anymore -- perhaps more so.
10. Remember, life is short. How much of it do you want to spend rehashing the past? Forgive each other and you will have a (mostly) peaceful divorce.
We all know these tips present challenges. It's not always the easy path. But the rewards of taking "the high road and being the "hero" in your post-marriage relationship are profound and long-lasting.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.