We all have goals. Career advancement. A better house. Early retirement. But, surprisingly, a great dealof Massachusetts couples forget an important set of goals: marriage goals. Often, assumptions are made that the marriage will take care of itself and they can simply set it on cruise control. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. As in your career, your health or anything else you put your mind to, you need to set goals for your marriage in order to produce positive results.
For some couples, the idea of setting goals in a marriage can seem intimidating, and require a too much planning and overthinking. But experts agree that marriage goals are essential in order for a relationship to be successful.
One of the biggest reasons is that it brings expectations out in the open. Working off of unconscious expectations is one of the biggest challenges in marriage.
Why Are Marriage Goals So Important?
Marriage goals define what you want the marriage to look like so that you will quickly know if you start to veer off course. They should be set around several areas, including finances, sex and intimacy, friends and family, children and parenting, running of the household, decision making, individual time, couple time, lifestyle, and other pertinent parameters for the marriage.
Successful goal-planning in a marriage should start early. One of the best things you can do is to answer the question, why are we getting married? what is it that I want from this relationship? Marriage is a big step. And when we actually put that out in words, it gets all of the expectations that we have aired out as opposed to hiding in the back of our minds which is where they cause problems.
It’s also vital for couples to look at key areas in their marriage and pinpoint goals for them to achieve.
It’s good to consider connection goals. What is your partner’s love language and what is yours? What are some tangible ways we can ensure connection and make each other feel loved and break those goals down into tasks?
For example: if a partner’s love language is acts of service, ask them which types of duties/chores you can help with or take off their plate. Then, make a plan to implement those. Also setting financial goals and coming to an understanding of what you hope to gain/feel when that goal is achieved?
One of the biggest benefits of having clearly established marriage goals is they can make difficult conversations easier. When clashes arise around finances, parenting, or other common issues, and both couples are aware of the goal that they’re working towards, then the conversation can be more about a course-correction than outlining issues within the marriage.
How to Set the Right Marriage Goals
So how do you figure out what your personal marriage goals are? First, you need to figure out what your deal breakers are. That is, what are the things that are most important to you and where are the places at which you’ll draw the line? Interestingly, experts note that one of the topics that comes up when couples plan out marriage goals is monogamy, and what it actually means to be monogamous. And while it may sound someone outlandish to discuss monogamy goals, it speaks to the kind of honesty and openness about each other that is revealed when planning marriage goals.
When discussing marriage goals, it is really important that the goals be clearly defined and realistic. If you set goals that are undefined or simply too big to meet, when you inevitably fall short, the repercussions can be devastating.
Ultimately, it comes down to making your marriage goals reasonable and something that you both are working on as a team.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.