Living with a narcissist can be tough. A narcissist is a person who has an extreme interest or admiration for themselves. They might think that the world revolves around them, sometimes to the point where they ignore the needs of someone else.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum and can only be diagnosed by a mental health care professional. Some people may only show occasional signs of narcissism, whereas an extreme narcissist may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Being the child of a Massachusetts narcissist can impact your self-esteem and mental health. Daughters of narcissistic mothers may share common symptoms resulting from being raised by a narcissistic personality.
10 common symptoms of daughters of narcissists
Daughters who are raised by narcissistic mothers may face several emotional and psychological issues. While each experience is different, anxiety, depression, and self-doubt are common mental health issues for the child of a narcissist.
Other symptoms that daughters of narcissistic mothers may develop are:
1. Low self-esteem: This negative self-image can lead to feeling inadequate, overly self-critical, or constantly looking for outside validation. In the long term, it can get in the way of pursuing goals and affect your self-worth.
2. Lack of empathy: If your mother lacks empathy, it’s harder for you to learn how to have it. The children may feel emotionally neglected and unseen, which can damage their ability to have healthy relationships.
3. Extreme self-criticism: The narcissistic mother will be critical of her daughter, who in turn, learns to be very self-critical. This can drive a constant need for perfection and continued feelings of inadequacy.
4. Insecure attachment style: Inconsistent parenting from a narcissistic mother can lead to an insecure attachment style, affecting your future relationships.
5. Verbal aggression: When a mother is verbally aggressive and demeaning, the daughter may follow that example. This is driven by feelings of self-doubt and emotional turmoil.
6. Codependency: A codependent daughter seeks validation and approval from other people. She may regularly give up her own needs to please others.
7. Difficulty expressing emotions: The daughter of a narcissist may be rejected for expressing emotions, leading to having a hard time identifying her own feelings. This can disconnect her from her own emotional needs and impact her ability to navigate relationships.
8. Fear of abandonment: Due to emotional manipulation and inconsistent parenting, daughters may have a fear of being left or rejected. This can impact her ability to trust others in the future.
9. People-pleasing behavior: The daughter of a narcissist wants to gain approval and avoid conflict. This coping style can lead to self-neglect and the inability to address her own wants and needs.
10. Lack of boundaries: A narcissistic parent rarely respects boundaries, so her daughter will also be challenged to understand respectful limits. This can make it hard for her to have a strong sense of self and develop healthy relationships.
How to heal from narcissistic parents
Being raised by a narcissistic mother can have different impacts on your mental health. Healing from these effects can take different forms, depending on your goals.
First, you need to recognize that your parent is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits. You then need to choose whether you want to maintain a relationship with your mother. In some cases, it may be in your own best interest to distance yourself from the relationship.
If you’re looking to maintain a relationship with your mother and safeguard your own mental health, try to:
• Build a support system: This can include your other parent, friends, or mental health professionals who can help meet your emotional needs and offer guidance.
• Recognize the effects: It’s important to understand how deeply your mother’s narcissism has affected you. Knowing where some of your traits come from can help you cope and move forward.Therapy is a great place to process this experience and grow from it.
• Set boundaries: Make it a point to set boundaries that you can maintain and enforce. Include consequences such as “If you start insulting me, I will not contact you for a week.” These may cause conflict with your mother as you get used to them, but boundaries are an important step in protecting yourself.
• Don’t engage: Sometimes called “grey-rocking,” this tactic may be used to depower a narcissistic parent looking for a certain reaction. By keeping your reactions minimal, you essentially make yourself less exciting to your parent, likely defusing a more intense situation.
Sometimes, the healthiest relationship with a narcissistic parent is no relationship at all. This might be the case if your parent is abusive, a frequent liar, or extremely manipulative.
Only you can decide the best course of your relationship, but if your parental interactions cause extreme stress in your everyday life, cutting ties might be a necessary option.
Can you reconnect with a narcissistic parent?
Yes, it’s sometimes possible to reconnect with a narcissistic parent. However, be realistic with your own expectations and aware of your parent’s limitations. It’s unlikely that your parent’s behavior will have changed, so you will need to set your own criteria for how and if to reconnect.
When working to reconnect with a narcissistic parent, keep the following in mind:
• Educate yourself: Learning more about narcissism and NPD can help you understand your parent’s limitations. It may also free you of blame, and be empowering.
• Help yourself: Having a good support system or having a counselor or therapist can help you navigate a new relationship with your mother. It’s important to first manage and prioritize your own mental health before trying to reconnect with a narcissistic parent.
• Set boundaries: This is important whether you are reconnecting or trying to heal on your own. Boundaries and limits can protect you from further manipulation and set ground rules for interactions with your mother.
• Don’t expect an apology: A narcissist rarely admits they were wrong and often has justifications for their behavior. Try to move forward without expecting admissions of past wrongs.
• You won’t “fix” her: You will need to accept your mother as they are and realize that you cannot fix or correct her behavior. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and any interests you may share.
If your mother is open to working on improving the relationship with you, it may be useful to see a family therapist together. As a neutral party educated on narcissism, they can help you both build healthy communication styles and a more respectful relationship.
Takeaway
A narcissistic mother may be so focused on herself that she ignores the needs of her daughter. This can lead to long-term mental health challenges for their daughters.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers may share some narcissistic traits. They may also have low self-esteem, become codependent, or exhibit chronic people-pleasing behaviors.
Healing from a narcissistic mother can take time, but it’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own mental health. Working with a trained therapist or counselor can be helpful in recognizing and repairing your own behaviors and possibly reconnecting with a narcissistic parent.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultaion.
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