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Children Archives

4 Steps to Help Teens Handle Your Massachusetts Divorce

Many Massachusetts divorcing parents put all their attention on helping theirTeen Girls.jpg younger children cope while assuming their teenager will understand and adapt. Unfortunately studies have shown that in many cases teens will deal with divorce in more self-destructive and dangerous ways than younger children. Don't be misled by their seeming independence and self-sufficiency. Often, behind that mask lie deep insecurity, anxiety, mistrust and fear.

How to Care for Massachusetts Children During Down-Turned Economy in Massachusetts

Is our down-turned economy having an effect on divorce in Massachusetts? WhileDivorce - Money - Stress.jpg it's too early for statistical evidence, reports from marriage counselors and divorce attorneys around the globe are in agreement. They're finding many couples who were ready to call it quits are postponing the divorce decision due to financial reasons. In the U.S., with housing values at near-record lows, wide-ranging cuts in salaries and a dramatic rise in unemployment rates, many couples are just not divorcing because they are afraid they can't afford it.

How To Choose a Legal Guardian For Your Massachusetts Children

Choosing a legal guardian - the person, or people, who, in the event of you andChildren 42.jpgyour spouse's deaths, will take care of your Massachusetts children is one of the most difficult decisions Massachusetts parents must make when writing a will and planning their estate.

Researchers Find 102 Genes Linked to Autism in Massachusetts Children

Autism spectrum disorder is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that is likelyDNA 2.jpg  caused by both genetic and environmental factors. As the name suggests, it also represents a range of symptoms and behaviors, all of which makes teasing apart the genes involved quite challenging.

5 Ways to Safeguard Your Massachusetts Children During and After Divorce

Communication with our Massachusetts children is always important, but never asChildren 50.jpg essential as when they are touched by separation or divorce. Children are vulnerable and easily frightened by changes in their routines. The more you talk to and comfort them, the less stress and anxiety they'll experience. This is the time to reassure your children that you are taking care of matters and everyone in the family will be okay, Then, of course, take responsibility for doing what needs to be done to assure their well-being.

3 Big Myths Women Believe About Divorced Massachusetts Dads

Many Massachusetts children grow up as adults and find they are duped intoMyths 1.jpg believing negative things about one parent or another as a consequence of a Massachusetts divorce. Our society, legal system and gender biases all play a role in creating negative stereotypes connected to divorced women and men.

Massachusetts Parenting Styles Are About You, Not the Baby

What's your parenting style? Are you a Massachusetts attachment parent, free-Parenting Styles.jpgrange parent, a gender-neutral parent, or a tiger parent? The answer says a lot about the expecting adult but very little about how that baby is going to fare. At the core, it doesn't really matter how you parent your baby.
You can be there for every whimper or give them room. You can give them all the toys or none of the toys. You can invest time, money, energy, and a great deal of stress into following parenting advice. None of it will make a difference.

The fact is that babies are designed to be largely immune to parenting styles. They will grow and develop regardless of what a parent does, as long as a parent is there and responsive at least half of the time. The proof of this lies in the history of parenting norms and the enormous diversity of cultural parenting practices around the globe. So why are Massachusetts parents so stuck on the idea that good parenting is so essential for raising healthy babies?

Bashing Your Ex Hurts Massachusetts Children

We all do it from time to time. Make a sarcastic comment about our Massachusetts ex, criticizeChildren 43.jpg something they did or didn't do, gesture or grimace our faces when referring to our former Massachusetts spouse. When we do it in front of, near or within hearing distance of our children, we set ourselves up for a hornet's nest of problems. We have all heard this, but it's easy to forget or let slide. It hurts our children when they hear one of their parents put down the other. This is so even if your child does not say anything about it. With rare exceptions, children innately feel they are part of both parents. They love them both even when that love isn't returned to them in the same way. When you put down their other parent your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part of them. When both parents are guilty of this behavior, it can create a sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem. "Something's wrong with me" becomes the child's unconscious belief.. I know it's challenging some times not to criticize your ex, especially when you feel totally justified in doing so. Find a friend or therapist to vent to. Don't do it around your children. And, whenever possible, find some good things to say about their other parent - or hold your tongue. The lesson here is simple. Destructive comments about your ex can impact your children in many negative ways. It creates anxiety and insecurity. It raises their level of fear. It makes them question how much they can trust you and your opinions - or trust themselves. And it adds a level of unhappiness into their lives that they do not need ... or deserve! When you have a problem with your ex, take it directly to them and not to or through the children. Don't exploit a difficult relationship, or difference of opinion with your ex, by editorializing about him or her to the kids. It's easy to slip - especially when your frustration level is mounting. Listen to and monitor your comments to the children about their other parent. · Are you hearing yourself say: "Sounds like you picked that up from your Dad/Mom." · Do you make a negative retort about their behavior and end it with "just like your father/mother." · Do you frequently compare your ex with other divorced parents you know making sure the kids get the negative judgment? · Do you counter every positive comment your child makes about your ex with, "Yeah, but ..." and finish it with a downer? · Do you make your children feel guilty for having had fun visiting the other parent or liking something in their home? · Do you throw around biting statements like "If Mom/Dad really loved you ..." · Do you try to frighten or intimidate your kids during a disagreement by saying "If you don't like it here, then go live with your Mom/Dad? It's easy to fall into these behavior patterns and they can effectively manipulate your children's behavior for the short-term. But in the long run you will be slowly eroding your personal relationship with the children you love and alienating their affection. This will bite you back in the years to come, especially as your children move into and through their teens. As a parent you want to raise children with a healthy sense of self-worth. You want children who are trusting and trust-worthy ,,, who are open to creating loving relationships in their lives. It's not divorce per se that emotionally scars children. It's how you, as a parent, model your behavior before, during and after your divorce. If you model maturity, dignity and integrity whenever challenges occur, that's what your children will see and the path they will take in their own relationships. You can't make life choices for them, but you sure can influence their choices and perceptions about the world when they are young and vulnerable! Minding your tongue around your children can be one of the most difficult behaviors to master after a Massachusetts divorce. It is also one of the behaviors that will reap the greatest rewards in the well-being of your family. Don't let anger, bitterness and indiscriminate remarks affect and harm your children. Keep a "conscious" diligence on your commentary and your ex is more likely to follow suit, as well. If he or she doesn't, your kids will naturally pick up on the different energy and gravitate toward the parent taking the high road. Ultimately that parent will win their respect and admiration. Shouldn't that be you?

Law Offices of Renee Lazar
4308 Thompson Farm
Bedford, MA 01730
Phone: 978-844-4095
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