Posts tagged "child custody"

The dissolution of a marriage in Massachusetts can be a frightening and stressful ordeal that many divorcing couples might not be emotionally equipped to handle on their own. Because emotions run high, even for the spouse who is seeking the break-up of the marriage, unresolved issues that led to a divorce often-times takes years to resolve. These problems are compounded when children are involved and add additional emotional issues that can led to severe complications for both parents and children.

One of the most frequent concerns divorced Massachusetts parents express in custody disputes is that when their child is supposed to spend time with the other parent, the child cries or clings or sometimes "begs" not to be made to go. The parent generally interprets the child's behavior to mean that the child hates to spend time with the other parent. Sometimes they interpret the behavior to mean the other parent is abusive, or at least incompetent, as a parent. In fact, there are many possible reasons why children resist going from one parent to the other. 1. The children may really not want to spend time with the other parent, sometimes for good reason. But, this is actually quite rare. 2. The children may want to spend time with the other parent but not want to leave the parent they're with. It is common for human beings to simultaneously desire two, mutually exclusive results. We often wish we could eat our cake and have it too. Children are no different. In fact, most children really want to be with both parents and not to leave either. Their favorite fantasy is that their parents would get back together. 3. The children may be sensing non-verbal cues from the parent they are leaving that she or he is sad when the children leave. The children maybe reflecting the parent's feelings, not expressing their own. 4. The children may believe it pleases the parent for them to be sad about leaving. The children may be telling the parent what they think the parent wants to hear. 5. The children may simply find changing from one parent's home to the other uncomfortable. This is usually a temporary upset. Some children welcome change. Others have a more difficult time with it. Parents ought not jump to conclusions when a child resists parenting time. One suggestion is that these parents choose a counselor to help them (the children and the parents) sort out what is really troubling them. Just as important as figuring out the children's true concerns is finding solutions to the problem. The first solution many parents propose is to stop parenting time. That is almost never the best answer, and the counselor can also help the parents devise ways for the children to comfortably spend time in both homes. Often it is the parents who need to learn new skills such as how to give their children sincere permission to feel and express love for both parents.

Threats and hurtful remarks from a spouse can be gravely concerning, even when the threats are empty and the remarks untrue. The items listed below are common statements made by a vindictive spouse in Massachusetts along with a suggested rebuttal for you.

Though many children look forward to the fun, freedom, and activities that typically come with summer vacation, it can be a challenging time for both the children and the parents in Massachusetts.