Some of us can be emotionally unavailable at some point in our Massachusetts marriage, owing to certain changes or events in our lives. But if a spouse is never there to support you emotionally, then it's a clear red sign. Here are a few truths about the emotionally unavailable husband that you need to know and questions you can ask yourself.
1. He May Never Change
The thought of him changing might feel good, but you are only fooling yourself if you believe that someday your husband will be there for you emotionally if he hasn't been up to this point. For someone who is emotionally unavailable, the relationship is often nothing more than a comfort zone. There are usually promises, but barely any change. Years into your marriage and you may be still waiting, hoping he will change and start giving you more time.
Emotionally unattached people may change, but it's totally on them to work on it. If you have waited long enough for your partner to be as involved in the relationship as you are, it's time to make peace with the fact that your emotionally detached husband is not going to change. And move on!
2. He May Be Unavailable Due to His Past
If a man is emotionally unavailable to his wife or too protective of his emotions, this may be due to a bad experience in the past. Your husband can seem happy and like he has not a care in the world. But maybe he went through a painful breakup before he married you, or he is going through a tough phase in his life. In that case, his behavior is understandable. If not, he may not be interested in this relationship
3. He'll Often Be Unavailable in Your Times of Need
Was he present in situations when you needed someone to comfort you? Before you jump to saying yes, think about it for a second. If your husband helps you around the house or comforts you when you're down, you would probably not be reading this now. And you would not be the one carrying those heavy bags from the grocery store and taking care of the kids all by yourself. If he is not present to comfort you or support you in times of need, then he may not hesitate to leave you on your own if he feels the need to.
4. He May Not Be Open to Sharing Feelings
It's not uncommon for men to be less chatty about their feelings than women. But they will often open up to people they are comfortable with, such as a spouse or a close friend. Some listen more than they talk. But if your husband does neither, it is worrisome. An emotionally unavailable husband often won't bother to share his feelings and may be reluctant to discuss anything personal. If your spouse never talks, listens, or asks you how your day has been, then you might want to think about the state of your marriage.
5. He Won't Hesitate to Mislead You
Your husband may have roped you in for the marriage because he needed someone to comfort him. If you have expected him to be a good husband and have waited for him to be in themarriage - but he hasn't and you are still married to him, it may be clear that you have been misled and manipulated by him in some way.
Emotionally unavailable husbands sometimes subconsciously lure partners with empty promises, which often results in a codependent situation. They too, may be dependent on you for certain things and will try to keep you close enough that you don't stray.
If you have been trying to make your marriage to an emotionally distant husband work, it may be time to stop and prioritize yourself. Talk to your partner and make your needs clear and let him know you expect them to be met. If he cannot, maybe it is time to take a long hard look at why you are in this marriage in the first place.
Remember that emotionally unavailable husbands are honest about where they stand. They make it clear in many ways that they have never been committal. If that's evident in your case, move on by accepting the fact that they might never be there for you. But if you believe there is still a chance with your husband, talk to a marriage counselor who can be unbiased and put everything in perspective for the both of you. And if your husband is genuinely concerned, then he will make an effort to make things different in the future.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.