Separating from your Massachusetts spouse is never easy, whether it’s you who has taken the call or your spouse.
Since you are here reading this article, perhaps, you have summoned up the courage to divorce after much thought and discussion.
Whether you have been married for decades or just a few years, the shift from being a married person to being single again is one of the most significant life changes one can experience.
Your present and your future are looking quite different from what you imagined when you said: “I Do.” What comes next?
Your future is yours to create!
Here are some tips for staying strong through a divorce.
Can you have an easy divorce?
Let’s be clear: there is no such thing as an “easy” divorce. Even if the paperwork part of your divorce is uncomplicated, the emotional and psychological stages of divorce are not easy.
Even if you are the person who initiated divorce proceedings, it is normal to feel pain, loss, sadness, and depression. After all, no one enters into a marriage expecting it to end.
You are saying goodbye to a life and a person that you once loved. Every emotion you are feeling right now is normal and legitimate.
You have every right to grieve the end of your marriage. At the same time, staying strong through a divorce is important so that you can make the best decisions for yourself as you navigate this new terrain.
10 Ways to stay positive throughout the divorce process
Staying strong is key as you move through the divorce proceedings, and staying positive will be vital as you plan for your life post-divorce.
Let us look at the following ways to stay positive throughout the divorce process.
- Recognize that it took courage to divorce
Many people resign themselves to staying in bad marriages out of fear: fear of change, of being alone, of not wanting to take a risk, finding the courage to divorce took guts.
Congratulate yourself for wanting a better life. You may not see them now, but the positive things about divorce will reveal themselves in time.
- Allow all your emotions to flow
In addition to the range of emotions surrounding the change of lifestyle, divorce may bring up other memories of loss, abandonment, even loneliness. Allow yourself to feel everything. Let the tears flow.
Therapists tell us it is better to release these feelings than to keep them bottled up, where later they may resurface and cause more harm. Cry, wail, even hit a pillow if you feel the need.
Some people designate a “let it out time” each day, 10 minutes devoted to emotional release, after which you gather yourself together and carry on with your routine. This might sound mechanical, but it helps!
- Be kind to yourself
If there were ever a moment to practice great self-care, this is it. Part of staying strong through a divorce should include daily practices of treating yourself with tenderness.
Incorporate self-affirmations, such as “I am a worthy, valuable person” or “People are drawn to my inner light,” especially when your brain is dwelling on pain of divorce and telling you otherwise.
Stay strong for yourself, so you can be strong for those around you.
- Give yourself time to recover
If you start feeling critical of yourself because you think you “should be” over the pain “by now,” give yourself a break.
Getting through a divorce takes the time it takes. Stay strong and positive.
Know that eventually, with the passage of time, your good days will outnumber your bad days.
- Start rebuilding who you are
Many married people have a tendency to “blend” personalities, erasing their own personal passions. Use the divorce to rediscover who YOU are.
Now that you are single, make a list of hobbies that you let go of during your marriage and what you might do to get back to those.
Doing activities that you put aside during your marriage will help in staying positive during the divorce.
- Take a trip on your own
Discovering a place totally new to you can help in remaining positive. Where have you dreamed of traveling? Now’s the time to make that happen!
At the very least, booking a vacation to a new place will allow you to look ahead and dream a little. Traveling solo is a fantastic way to build a sense of fierceness, which can help you survive divorce emotionally.
Book a trip to somewhere you’ve never been. Nothing amplifies the feeling of staying strong through divorce more than the challenge of exploring new lands!
- Start a gratitude practice
Journaling three things for which you are grateful each day can be one of your positive thinking strategies.
Taking a daily moment to observe gratitude has been proven to help with mental focus and physical energy, helping to stay positive, stay strong. It reminds you of the good that is out there in the world.
When you start feeling especially down, reviewing your gratitude journal is a good way to stay strong through a divorce.
- Take utmost care with your diet and physical exercise
Important to stay strong through a divorce is not allowing yourself to be tempted to buffer your pain by eating unhealthy foods or lying around on the couch watching endless hours of mind-numbing TV.
Those practices will only lead you down the spiral of depression, making staying strong through a divorce more difficult.
Instead, eat a balanced diet, including fresh fruits and vegetables, some high-quality dark chocolate (lifts your mood), and practice plenty of outdoor movement, where the sunlight will enhance your spirits.
- You do not have to do this alone
Are you trying to stay strong all by yourself, but it isn’t working yet?
Enlist the aid of a therapist. Licensed and trained professionals know exactly how to listen and how to counsel and will be a good support for working through a divorce.
Reaching out to trusted friends and family is also vital to your well-being, but having a therapist who is neutral and trained in how to help with staying strong through a divorce can be an important member of your support team.
You may also be interested in joining a group of other people working through a divorce. These support groups can be life-savers, as you will find yourself among like-minded people faced with similar issues.
Listen to how they stay strong during divorce; you may pick up some new ideas, and, why not, make some new friends!
- Recognize that divorce is not the end of your life.
It may seem like it sometimes, but truly, divorce is not the end of your life. It is merely the end of one part of your life.
You still have a long road ahead of you, filled with new discoveries, new challenges, new growth, and who knows? New love!
Remind yourself that you are surrounded by people who love you and want to see you thrive. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, be strong for yourself, and watch a beautiful path emerge.
It is completely normal to experience a full range of emotions during this transformative period of your life.
From depression to hope and all the feelings in between these two extremes, practicing some or all of the ten ways to stay positive listed here can help you as you meet this challenge.
Think of this time as a stepping stone towards something greater, more in line with what you wish your life to look like. Stay strong, stay positive and keep believing in yourself!
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.