Are You Seeking Reassurance From Your Massachusetts Spouse?

by | Feb 7, 2022 | Divorce |

When a Massachusetts relationship is fresh and new, mates go out of their way to express feelings, shower each other with compliments, and make meaningful gestures while they’re in the honeymoon phase.

That lasts until a degree of comfort and familiarity develops, usually when exclusivity is determined or promises are made to set a commitment in the partnership. So when do people start seeking reassurance in a relationship?

It’s natural to feel a degree of doubt, potentially develop some fear when establishing bonds or creating boundaries. Still, most find these things nothing to worry about sincerely, just a normal part of a progressing partnership that they otherwise feel an overall sense of security.

Other partners need more reassurance in a relationship as time passes and confidence begins to wane. The fears for these individuals are much more profound, causing them to question whether their partner is still interested in continuing the couplehood and if the mate continues to be content with them as a partner.

Unfortunately, this heightened insecurity and constantly needing reassurance can eventually lead to a mate second-guessing whether the relationship is genuinely right for them.

What is reassurance in a relationship

What is reassurance in a relationship? When a partner needs validation from a mate or assurances to put their mind at ease from worry relating to the relationship or personal insecurity.

Reassurance of love is something all people need every once in a while. No one is without an occasional doubt or a potential fear about the life they’re building with a significant other.

The problem with relationship reassurance is when it becomes a continuous need to the point it’s detrimental to the partnership, eventually causing it to end.

To prevent reassurance in a relationship from becoming harmful, the underlying cause for the insecurity needs to be determined. After figuring out the reason for the need, it should be relatively easy to resolve.

Why do you need reassurance in your relationship constantly?

Excessive reassurance seeking in relationships is compulsory for individuals attempting to decrease obsessive anxiety. The anxiety heightens when the person feels distressed based on uncertainty which can happen for various reasons.

The individual then needs reassurance for those doubts generally relatively consistent in their theme. Follow here for a personal experience story on reassurance OCD.

Is it normal to seek reassurance in your relationship?

This is a somewhat subjective question but answering in that context. It’s more important to find a way to find that assurance inwardly, validate yourself, love you.

That’s a critical first step before you find the perfect relationship. It doesn’t always come first, though. Sometimes you find the ideal partner. But then you need to become a healthy version of yourself to be available to this mate who has already made themselves and their feelings assured.

While you continue to ask for reassurance in a relationship, this partner has no problem making that reassurance in a relationship for you.

An occasional reassurance is natural and expected periodically, but when you need reassurance in a relationship continuously like this, there’s an underlying issue within yourself that needs to be handled.

Examples of reassurance in relationships

Everyone likes reassurance in a relationship to take away worry, doubts and fears. Some individuals’ anxiety goes to a compulsory level where they constantly need reassurance in a relationship to maintain a level of security.

Some examples of reassurance in a relationship that partners look for include:

1. An indication that the individual is the only one for you

The important thing is to look in your partner’s eyes when you tell them they’re the right one for you. There should be intimate contact and closeness, so there is no doubt about the authenticity of the comments.

Reassurance requires more than mere words, but body language and actions go hand-in-hand.

2. Pay them compliments

Express the aspects that attracted you to your mate, whether appearance, personality, or character, and explain in detail why these things were so important to you, reassuring your partner that these are still as valuable today.

3. Offer small gestures

Small gestures, not a Porsche or diamonds and pearls, gestures that offer reassurance in a relationship that your mate is always in your thoughts while you’re apart, making them feel special when they might least expect it.

4. Discuss the future

Is it okay to ask for reassurance in a relationship concerning the future?

Some mates hope for these assurances since they don’t want to waste time and effort if a partner is merely interested in casual, here and now, living in the moment while you might prefer a more extended term partnership.

There is a degree of security in knowing you can discuss the future without a significant other flinching at the thought.

5 signs you might need reassurance in a relationship

For those involved in a reassurance relationship where you’re constantly seeking assurances or trying to determine how to get reassurance in a relationship, it’s curious whether you provide the same courtesy to your mate.

These insecurities might not be so pronounced, and they might not suffer the same doubts or fears, but that’s not saying they don’t experience a need for reassurance in a relationship now and again.

Let’s see some signs to learn if you’re in the partnership seeking reassurances.

1. Compliment fishing

Compliments should be something that a mate gives without you asking. If you’re insecure for any reason, you might reach out for validation from your partner.

While it feels good when those we love acknowledge our good points, it’s even better to feel a sense of self-worth. Then compliments given freely mean that much more.

2. Bragging

On the flip side of the coin, with reassurance in a relationship, there’s often the necessity to exaggerate your accomplishments to spike your self-esteem or improve your confidence.

The problem is when your partner finds out that you inflated your achievements to get kudos, that might play against your favor in their eyes.

3. Social media is crucial to their popularity

Whether a mate likes it or not, relationship stories will be spun on social media to get the most likes and shares since reassurance in a relationship is a priority from everyone for the seeker.

Privacy is not an issue generally for someone who needs assurances to relieve doubts and fears concerning the partnership’s future and the potential for a future.

4. Being the center of attention

That’s also the case in social situations where the reassurance seeker needs to be front and center. A mate will find them appealing to their friends and acquaintances, so there are only compliments following the gathering.

5. Life is glamorized

When someone hoping for reassurance in a relationship talks about their day, it’s always glamorized, never dull, so a mate feels lucky to be with this person and will see a need to assure their partner why the relationship means so much to them.

12 ways to reassure someone in your relationship

Healthy communication is decidedly the most significant obstacle in most partnerships. When going from the honeymoon phase to the point of developing a comfortable, familiar, tight-knit bond, many people let the reassurances that were once a commonality slide.

They believe a sense of security and confidence in the partnership has already been established, and there’s no longer a need for constant reassurance in a relationship.

Still, once in a while (and, for some, much more often), there is a need to know things are still good. It’s natural for people to develop doubt or fear. Some ways that partners can reassure significant others include:

1. Supportive

The most confident and secure mate will need to know that their partner supports and encourages their hopes, dreams, and goals. Each person in a relationship should always show encouragement and try to motivate their partner to be the best version of them self.

That’s one of the optimum ways to assure them of your confidence in them.

2. Hanging out

There should be a good time no matter the scene, whether it be a formal event or a barbeque or sitting in bed watching a cartoon on a Saturday morning.

The assurance is that you enjoy each other’s company, you like having them around, in every situation, and they know that not only in the beginning but every day.

3. Believe

Not everyone is going to appreciate our efforts. We will make mistakes or even fail, letting ourselves down. But when you have someone at home waiting to assure you that’s not who you are; instead, there is much more that you have to offer.

They assure you of your accomplishments and talents, bringing you back into the game to try again.

4. Trust

When you show your significant other that you trust their judgment with no doubt or fear of consequences, it speaks volumes for what you think of their character.

It’s the most significant reassurance in a relationship and will help to deepen the bond that you share. That can mean seeing them go out with friends from their single days or any number of situations that could test the relationship, but you demonstrate confidence in their loyalty.

5. Why

When you give compliments to someone, that’s reassuring on many levels, but it’s much more meaningful when you take the time to express why you feel the way you do.

For instance, telling someone you love them is lovely, but why do you love them; that is where the genuine assurance comes. It lets your mate know what precisely you admire most about them.

6. Please and thank you

When you start dating someone, manners are vital to make a good impression. Mates begin to let go of pretense as everyone gets comfortable, allowing partners to see who they genuinely are.

As a show of respect and reassurance that you value your significant other, it’s essential always to offer a “thank you” and a “please.” 

7. Appreciation

In that same vein, an indication of appreciation is exceptionally validating when given at the time of acknowledgment.

If your partner does something, no matter how small the gesture, show your genuine appreciation not only as an act of reassurance in a relationship but because the things they do for the partnership are valued.

8. Temporary

No partner can fix all of the problems, and you don’t expect that, but when they offer reassurance that it will all work out for the best, it helps to know that while you might be experiencing trauma or a loss currently, there is someone to hold you up when you need them.

9. Apologize

If you can admit you were wrong in an argument or conflict, that speaks volumes to a significant other.

It’s one thing to say you’re sorry, but when you go a step further to admit you were wrong and they were right, that’s showing humility and an authentic desire to fix the situation.

10. Agree to disagree

In that same respect, you won’t always agree, but you should be honest and upfront so you can then develop a mutual understanding and ultimately come to the point of compromise.

Perhaps someone wants a pet, but the other is not quite ready. Communicating shows respect for the other’s opinion and implies a desire to work together to make the best decision for the household.

11. Help out

When you notice a sense of frustration but you’re not sure what the issue is, reach out by asking if you can help with something. You don’t know how much relief you might bring to another person’s day by asking something so simple.

Perhaps they need a helping hand with a large load of laundry before running to a class, or maybe they can’t get a tire off that needs changing, or perhaps they need to vent about a problem.

Presenting to your partner with a team mindset results in feelings of appreciation and gratitude and comes back with your mate offering the same.

12. Love

After time passes, partners assume that you automatically know they love you because they do something for you or look at you a certain way. Still, there’s nothing like the words spoken with heartfelt intent.

Even if you have to run back in because you forgot before you left for work just so you can tell them, it’s essential to say it every day, many times a day, until the last day you’re together. This is one reassurance in a relationship that will never grow old or wear thin.

Final thoughts

Doubt and fear can creep into a relationship at any moment, with a partner needing to have reassurance from a mate that everything is great to put their worries to rest.

Some individuals have anxieties that drive them to need reassurances on a compulsory level to help with insecurities that could have developed from underlying causes. 

While a mate can continually reassure a mate in this situation, the partner needs to look within to find the root cause of the lack of self-esteem to attempt to resolve the issue, find self-love, so there’s no need for a mate to continue to try to validate the problem away.

Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.

Set Up A Free Initial Consultation