“Hurried child syndrome” is when Massachusetts kids are rushed through their childhood and forced to act beyond their maturity level.
Children are pushed to grow up too soon, taking on the worries, responsibilities, and stresses of adult life,” says Dr. Hafeez. This is happening in all areas of their lives, including school, extracurricular activities and sports, and even social lives.
Thomas Priolo, MD, a psychiatrist at the Jersey Shore University Medical Center, tells Parents that examples of “hurried child syndrome” may include tutoring kids beyond age-appropriate levels, parents oversharing marital or financial concerns with their children, a hyper-focus on winning or competition, and the expectation of constant discipline.
The term “hurried child syndrome” was coined by the U.S.-based child psychologist David Elkind, PhD, in the 1980s, but the phenomenon existed long before that in some form.2
As Dr. Hafeez notes, there have been times throughout history when kids have been forced to take on very adult responsibilities, such as during war.
“The modern version of the syndrome is perhaps more structured and pressurized due to competitive educational systems and demands for societal success,” Dr. Hafeez says.
‘Hurried Child Syndrome’ Can Start Early in Life
As early as preschool age—and sometimes younger—kids are showing the hallmarks of “hurried child syndrome,” according to Dr. Hafeez. “Some parents sign toddlers up for several classes—everything from language lessons to sports—believing that getting a head start is desirable,” she says.
But with parents emphasizing early achievement and setting the groundwork for future success, they can be doing their child a disservice. Little ones can experience stress and burnout, when they should be focusing on developing social and emotional skills, especially through pretend play.
“Parents may have the best of intentions, with the goal of raising an exceptional child, however sometimes these demands are counterproductive and will negatively impact child growth and development,” agrees Dr. Priolo.
Parents should take comfort in knowing that many of us don’t mean to push our kids to grow up too quickly. There are also many pressures being exerted on moms, dads, and caregivers to give our kids every advantage in life.
‘Hurried Child Syndrome’ Causes
It’s our job to give our kids the best life possible. That means helping them succeed in school, athletics, socially, and in their future endeavors. But sometimes, parents accidentally take things too far.
“Although we may understand the need for ‘kids to be kids,’ our own unconscious anxieties lead us to a more demanding parenting style,” says Dr. Priolo.
That may look like too much structure and pressure, according to Dr. Hafeez, who adds, “Several external forces conspire against parents in their efforts to keep the ‘hurried child syndrome’ at bay, and that causes them to inadvertently fast-track their children’s childhoods.”
From competition in education ramping up constantly, to a greater awareness of what peers are doing thanks to social media, a sense of urgency can plague parents that they aren’t doing enough.
“Cultural norms emphasizing achievement and success can lead parents to believe that a lack of early success will hamper their children’s chances of future opportunities,” says Dr. Hafeez.
There are even more factors at play, with Dr. Hafeez pointing out that economic pressure can lead parents to seek out structured activities as a child care option.
Ultimately, Dr. Hafeez says, “These outside pressures produce a no-escape, high-pressure situation for parents who are often sufficiently unaware of its emotional cost on kids.”
How To Avoid ‘Hurried Child Syndrome’
For Dr. Priolo, avoiding “hurried child syndrome” is about providing a supportive and nurturing environment for kids in which downtime is valued, their feelings are validated, and mistakes are allowed to happen. “The predominant factor in child success has always revolved around a supportive environment consisting of age-appropriate demands,” he says.
To that end, instead of a packed Monday through Saturday of structured activities, a young developing brain would greatly benefit from unstructured playtime.3 “Although parents may feel like this is ‘doing nothing,’ this time allows the child a safe environment to absorb, process, and apply new information,” Dr. Priolo shares.
Meanwhile, reducing kids’ exposure to technology is another way to encourage free play and exploration.4 “Social scientists have found that children who are permitted to experience the world in this way develop greater emotional resilience and are better equipped to solve problems,” Dr. Hafeez says.
Giving kids the choice to pursue their interests is also key. Dr. Priolo says that when age-appropriate, kids should set goals that are meaningful for them, and parents should be supportive. “Importantly, parents should display appreciation and provide positive affirmations, even when mistakes or failures happen,” he says.
Dr. Hafeez stresses that kids’ self worth should be based on more than school and performance achievements. Finally, she says when parents model healthy work/life balance, “They are showing children that making mistakes and experiencing life’s simpler pleasures are important ingredients to a happy and fulfilling life.”
‘Hurried Child Syndrome’ Warning Signs
Even the best-intentioned parents can fall into the trap of bringing kids along too far, too fast. Here are some signs that your child is feeling overly pressured to grow up:
- An increase in stress or anxiety
- Loss of playtime
- Burnout
- Social strain or separation anxiety
- Poor self-esteem
- A tendency toward perfectionism
- Refusing or resisting going to school
- Depression
- Fatigue
- Memory lapses or poor attention span
- Exaggerated worry about upcoming performances, sports matches, or tests
- Hyperactivity
- Physical symptoms, such as headache and tummy ache
“A child may have difficulty reporting these symptoms,” Dr. Priolo says, adding that parents should closely observe and monitor them.
And Dr. Hafeez advises, “Recognizing these signs early can help parents slow the pace and lower the stakes.”