Getting a Massachusetts divorce? Want to make the process as painless as possible in your children, who after all, have no say on the matter and may be destabilized by your decision? Here’s what you can do to prepare them for what’s to come:
Break The News Gently, But Don’t Sugar-Coat It
No one wants to hear their parents are splitting up, but how you deliver the news can make a big difference. Sit your kids down in a calm, familiar environment (leave the dramatic announcements for TV dramas) and explain the situation in simple, age-appropriate terms.
The key here is to be honest but not harsh. No need to drag them into the nitty-gritty of why things didn’t work out—just keep it straightforward and minimize their trauma. “Mum and Dad won’t be living together anymore, but we both love you very much” is a good start. Kids are intuitive, so don’t pretend everything’s fine when it’s not, but avoid going full doom and gloom. They need reassurance that they’ll still be loved and cared for, even if things are changing.
Expect Some Questions (And Maybe Some Eye Rolls)
Once you drop the news, brace yourself for the barrage of questions, broken hearts—and maybe even some epic eye rolls, especially from the teenagers. Kids will want to know how this impacts their daily lives. Where will they live? Will they still see both parents? Are they going to have two Christmases now?
Answer honestly, but be prepared for follow-ups. If you’re not sure about some details yet—like who’s getting the house or whether someone’s going to move back in during the divorce—just say, “We’re still figuring some things out, but we’ll let you know as soon as we do.” Kids appreciate being in the loop, even if all the answers aren’t crystal clear yet.
And yes, your teenager might groan at every sentence you say. That’s not the divorce—it’s just teenagers.
Keep Routine As Normal As Possible (Because Kids Crave Stability)
One of the best things you can do during a divorce is keep as much of their routine intact as possible. Divorce already shakes up their world, so having their usual bedtimes, school schedules, and Saturday morning cartoons can provide a sense of normalcy.
If you or your ex-spouse are moving out temporarily or someone’s deciding to move back in during divorce, explain it calmly to the kids and assure them that their day-to-day life won’t change drastically overnight. Routine = stability, and stability = less emotional chaos.
Be Ready For The Emotional Rollercoaster
Kids process divorce differently depending on their age, personality, and how many episodes of EastEnders they’ve watched. Some might take the news in stride, while others may go full drama queen or even become the quiet, brooding type.
Don’t be surprised if their emotions swing from sadness, to anger, to confusion—sometimes within the same afternoon. Be there to listen, even if they’re venting about how unfair everything feels. Encourage them to share their feelings, whether through talking, drawing, or kicking a football around (just make sure the ball isn’t aimed at your head).
Remember, this is a huge change for them, and they need to know that whatever they’re feeling is valid.
Remind Them The Divorce Isn’t Their Fault
This one’s key. Kids often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, especially younger ones who haven’t yet grasped that adults sometimes can’t make things work. Be crystal clear that the divorce has nothing to do with them and everything to do with Mum and Dad’s issues.
Reassure them that your love for them hasn’t changed and that both parents will continue to be there for them, even if you won’t all be under the same roof anymore.
Create A Co-Parenting Plan (And Actually Stick To It)
One of the best ways to ease the kids into post-divorce life is by having a clear, structured co-parenting plan. This is where you’ll iron out details like who they’ll be with on weekdays, weekends, and holidays, and how you’ll handle school events, birthdays, and other key moments.
Pro tip: Kids will spot an inconsistent schedule a mile away, and they won’t hesitate to call you out on it. So if you promise them a set routine—stick to it! Flexibility is fine, but kids thrive on knowing what to expect. It also helps to prevent awkward situations where they show up to football practice with two lunches because neither parent communicated. Awkward.
Take Care Of Yourself, Too
This one’s easy to forget. You’re likely stressed, tired, and emotionally exhausted, but remember that taking care of yourself during a divorce is just as important as supporting the kids. When you’re feeling emotionally stable, it’s easier to provide that sense of security and calm your kids need.
So don’t hesitate to ask for help from friends, family, or even a therapist if you need it. You’ll be a better parent when you’re not running on empty.
Divorce is never easy but if you can prepare your kids for every eventuality, they will have an easier time of getting through it, with your help and support, of course.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.
geekgirlauthority.com