Have you ever wondered how being the eldest Massachusetts child shapes the kind of parent you become? While each oldest child’s experience is unique, it’s often marked by carrying a lot of responsibility—whether it was looking after younger siblings, taking on more household chores, or navigating uncharted territory as the family trailblazer. These early experiences don’t simply fade away when you have your own kids!
From being highly organized to feeling the pressure to “get it all right,” eldest kids tend to bring a lot of big-sibling energy into parenting. Here, we explore common traits of oldest children and how those traits can influence their approach to raising kids.
How Does Being the Eldest Child Shape Your Personality?
Eldest children tend to get a lot of attention from their parents—after all, they’re the family’s firstborn!
“[Parents] have more time to dedicate to their [firstborn] kids because they don’t have other kids that they’re taking care of,” explains Jennifer Katzenstein, PhD , Director of Psychology, Neuropsychology, and Social Work at Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital. “So, parents tend to be more aware, more focused, thinking about how they’re approaching each situation, and very attentive to that child’s needs.”
In fact, research shows that firstborns often get more cognitive stimulation from their parents (like reading , teaching, and engaging activities) than later-born children. Which typically provides them with an educational and cognitive advantage compared to their younger siblings.
In general, eldest children are typically:
- Responsible
- Conscientious
- Well-behaved
- Ambitious
- Reliable
- Stubborn
- Perfectionistic
- Organized
- Controlling
Firstborn children can also be a bit bossy, and their ambitious nature may cause them to become overachievers. As other children come along, eldest children often take on a leadership role, teaching their younger siblings everything they’ve learned.
Surprising Ways Eldest Child Traits Impact Parenting Style
Naturally, core personality traits play a significant role in how you raise kids. Here are a few ways being the eldest child can shape parenting style:
They can be a bit more “type A”
When it comes to firstborns, Dr. Katzenstein explains, “[There is] more worry about failure, sometimes what we call a type A personality. [Firstborns are] very attentive, very much hyper-aware of everyone’s emotions and needs, and constantly reacting to that.”
This laser-focused, type A personality can sometimes cause eldest children to become perfectionists, making them more prone to stress and anxiety over how they’re raising their kids.
They prefer organization and routine
Missing naps? Unlikely! Schedules and routines tend to be an essential part of the eldest child’s parenting style, which is often a direct reflection of their own upbringing.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—but their detail-oriented nature can make it difficult to “go with the flow” when schedules or routines are interrupted.
They can be strict
In general, the firstborn child tends to be a little bossy, says Dr. Katzenstein. “[They] may be a little bit more authoritarian with their kids, wanting to be very set in how they parent and [can be] very strict,” she adds.
Eldest children may create stern rules for their kids , such as a chore chart and strict bedtime routines. Unlike more laid-back type B parents , an eldest child with a more organized and goal-oriented personality doesn’t always allow flexibility when it comes to everyday rules and scheduling.
They are inherently responsible
Typically, eldest kids are tasked with responsibility early on, so they may feel as though they’ve helped “raise” their siblings over the years. Once they become parents, this responsibility carries over, so they often lean towards organizing schedules, planning activities, and keeping tabs on schoolwork.
They may have high expectations
Because eldest children may have grown up under strict parental expectations, they might set the bar high for their own kids, encouraging them to work hard and achieve their goals.
Along these lines, they may also emphasize accountability, teaching their children to take responsibility for their own actions and come up with ways to conquer goals and solve challenges on their own.
There’s More to Parenting Than Birth Order
While being the eldest child may influence your parenting style , Dr. Katzenstein emphasizes that birth order does not define who you are—and it’s important to keep that in mind throughout your parenting journey.
“All of [these eldest child traits] are generalities. None of this is a hard and fast rule,” she explains. “[Birth order] doesn’t define who we are. We can all recognize that we are individuals, and we can always change our behavior, especially when it comes to parenting. [Ask yourself], how are things going? How are you feeling? What might I need to do differently? What works for one child may not work for another, so being flexible in how we parent and not being too set in stone is so important.”
For those raising children with a partner, Dr. Katzenstein explains that constant communication is essential for staying on the same page. “It’s all about working with your partner to determine what values you want to instill in your kids, what rules are going to be most important for you and your family, and then really being self-reflective and insightful about that as you’re continuing your parenting journey together.”
Key Takeaway
While being the eldest child may shape some aspects of your parenting style, it doesn’t define you. Parenting is about being adaptable, self-reflective, and attentive to your child’s unique needs. If you’re co-parenting, lean into communicating with your partner, and remember that flexibility is key—what works for one child might not work for another. Overall, trust your instincts as a parent and focus on creating a nurturing environment that prioritizes connection, understanding, and growth.
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