“Speak now or forever hold your peace” may be fading from modern Massachusetts wedding ceremony scripts, but instructing your officiant to not ask for objections doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get any. It’s the last thing you want to hear, but if someone opposes your marriage, they might decide that your ceremony is the perfect moment to speak up. So, what happens if someone does decide to speak now? How should a couple handle the combined interruption and objection to their union? Whether it’s a jilted past lover or a disapproving family member, it’s a situation that’s best handled with extreme care.
Traditionally, a wedding objection is a verbal expression of opposition against a nuptial union with the intent of thwarting the marriage, but the scope of the definition is broadening. “My straightforward definition of an objection would be any interruption to the ceremony that prevents the exchange of vows without conditions,” explains ceremony expert Fr. Jason Lody. While it can be an unprompted exclamation (as is often portrayed in films), it is traditionally given in response to the officiant’s cue: when they turn to guests and say “If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
MEET THE EXPERT
Fr. Jason C. Lody, FCM, is the minister general of the Franciscan Community of Mercy and pastor of the parish of Saint Anthony of Padua.
If you’re dreading the moment or just curious about how it all started, read on for our complete breakdown of the tradition and expert tips for delicately handling the situation should it arise.
The History of Wedding Objections
The custom of voicing one’s objections to a nuptial union became institutionalized during medieval times. It was introduced by the Catholic Church during the 12th century as a means of ensuring the legality of a union before making it official. At this time, people relied on word of mouth and individual knowledge to ascertain whether a couple was eligible to wed. Grounds for objection included factors like a party already being married to another, pre-existing vows of celibacy or commitment to the church, being underage without parental consent, or close blood relations.
The proposed marriage was publicly announced before the intended date, giving the community adequate time to come forth with any information. It was then also asked of those witnessing the marriage in a similar fashion to what we know today. “Since weddings were often done in public venues that sometimes included people outside of invited guests and dignitaries, an opportunity to assure the validity of the request for marriage was allowed before the ceremony would proceed,” adds Fr. Lody. “This practice of allowing objections grew once laws were put in place that transferred wealth and land ownership immediately after a wedding.” Any objections would need to be given under oath and would result in a suspension of the wedding by the officiant to further investigate the situation.
Nowadays, the tradition is becoming more a figment of Hollywood lore than a ceremonial staple. The custom has largely become obsolete as a result of easily accessible legal records. In fact, most of the legalities of the marriage are established when applying for a marriage license long before the actual wedding day. With all of those factors squared away, there no longer exists a need to prompt a formal objection. “I believe the tradition is fading from popularity because it’s an antiquated practice and couples are getting married mostly with good intention,” says Fr. Lody. The only oppositions that remain are those of an emotional nature and these are ineffective at disputing a marriage’s legal eligibility.
What Happens If Someone Objects at a Massachusetts Wedding?
Since the legalities of a union are pre-established, an objection today would mostly fit the prototype promoted in movies and look less like its pragmatic beginnings. That is to say it would be less likely that someone would stand and say the bride has been kidnapped and coerced into the marriage and more likely an impassioned emotional plea. And while a dramatic—and ill-timed—declaration of a guest’s unending love for the groom makes for a great on-screen plot twist, it can’t actually stop the wedding.
The purpose of an objection is to assess the legal eligibility of a union, not the emotional. So unless someone objects with a reason that holds substantial legal merit, little more will happen than a fleeting pause in the ceremony and a significantly awkward moment.
“I tend to deal with things like this, by that I mean awkward situations during a ceremony, with humor, and try to move on unless the objection was extreme,” explains Fr. Lody. “I would make sure the couple was okay and try not to draw any more attention to what just took place. I would assume there would be some intervention or support from others in attendance to remove the cause for disruption.” So unless the emotional objection were to deter the bride or groom from continuing the union, the officiant would simply acknowledge the objection, realize that it carries no legal substance, and proceed with the wedding.
Can You Skip “Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace”?
If you are members of an Anglican or Episcopal church, there’s a chance your marriage ceremony will include the tradition. But do you have to include it? Your ability to edit the ceremony script will depend on your congregation, how conservative it is, and how flexible your officiant is. Talk to your officiant early on about how much input you can have in phrasing. If you aren’t comfortable with the options offered, find another officiant or seek out another church altogether.
If you are able to adjust the script for your ceremony, you don’t need to skip this section entirely. Instead, replace it with a new ritual that’s supportive and inclusive. The declaration of consent formally includes a line asking your guests to support the two of you in marriage, so you could emphasize that by asking your guests to help you through any trying, difficult, or emotionally challenging times you might face.
Not having a religious ceremony? This line is one you can absolutely skip, no questions asked. You can also put a secular spin on the above sentiment of asking guests to support you. Including your loved ones in your vows builds a community of support around your marriage, and it’s a touching way to include all of the people you care about in such a special moment.
Should you be in the midst of a divorce or contemplating divorce, contact the Law Offices of Renee Lazar at 978-844-4095 to schedule a FREE one hour no obligation consultation.
brides.com